Can Divorce Mediation Work When We Can't Agree on Anything

One popular misconception is that couples have to agree on everything before they begin divorce mediation.  It’s not true.  So let’s look at both scenarios.  One where the couple comes in with agreements, and one where they can’t agree on anything.

When couples come in with some, or a total agreement that’s great, and it definitely makes the mediation process easier, and shorter.  

“So what do we need you for?”  In this scenario the mediator is still necessary for a couple of reasons. To ensure that the agreements that are formed comply with the law and court procedure, making them more likely to be approved at your final hearing.  Yes, you are free to make any agreements you want, but the court, and the judge who has to review your final agreement have the final say.  

A good mediator will be familiar with the court that your divorce case is in, and familiar with the judges in that court.  The last thing you want is to have your agreement not approved by the court.  That would suck.  It’s not the end of the world, but you will have to go back to the drawing board to make sure the agreement complies with the law and the court’s practices and procedures.  On top of that you will also have to wait for another court date.  So why not get it right, one time, the first time?

A good mediator will also prepare all the other documents needed for your divorce, and, or review the ones you have prepared to ensure that there are no issues at your final hearing.

Now what if you can’t agree (on Anything?)  That’s OK too.  A little more challenging but doable.  Even at extreme scenarios where both spouses don’t agree on anything, there can  still be agreement.   



You agreed to get divorced.

You agreed to seek mediation. 

You agreed you wanted to do it without confrontation, and fighting.  

You agree you both want to be fair.

I bet you agree you both want what’s best for your kids.

We could probably keep going and find some agreement in issues that are more substantial to the divorce.  So you see, there is always a starting point.  We can work from there.

The old ways was let’s hire attorneys and see each other in court.  That old way is not the best way.  You know you better than anyone else and you are best equipped to come up with the solutions to the specific issues in your divorce.  Agreement or not, we can work with every couple wherever they are starting from through divorce mediaiton.




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